It's been a tough week for me and thank god I'm able to put myself together in a short time with still a little wound inside me which I don't know if I could ever erase it but I'm working on it. It's the 2nd time in my whole entire life I face this kind of situation and this is the worse than the 1st one. I never thought it could ended up like this but it's okay, I accept what god have just done to me and what she have done to me all these time. I thank both of them for that. I'm just going to sit and wait for whats coming in the future. If it's a bad thing in the future, I have to endure it and if it's good and something that I wanted. I thank god for that.
Playstation 3 just came in few days ago and I bought MGS4 together with it. I thought that it would cure my pain a little but I was wrong, it’s just the same. Well, I've done playing MGS4 in Solid normal difficulty, Finish it in 4 days. Now, I have no idea what to do in my daily life besides playing game, having a normal chat with Hani and sometimes, with ros or others.
Raya's tomorrow, my house is going to be crowded with people. I hate it. I just can't stand when there are too many people around my house. If you're here in my house, you can even see people sitting on the stair or even sleep on it because there’s no space. Try to imagine how big it is.
Okay, I lost my mood. I feel like going out right now. Sorry.
Selamat hari raya to those who knows me through this blog or in real life. I'm sorry for everything that I've done in the past and I thank you all for all the happiness that you guys have given me. I thank you.
It's been a while since I wrote like this so I tried to write again. 100% comes from the heart and of course its a crash course one too. Well, it's what I'm feeling right now though.
Finally I realize that I'm nothing without you I was wrong, I'm sorry please forgive me.
My heart, crashing like the waves my heart, shaking like the wind my love for you is still there unable to erase like a tattoo sighing at the floor dust gathering at my heart
I thought I would be able to live even one day without you but somehow I didn't managed to live on longer than i thought you didn't answer anything as I cry out "I miss you" I am worried, I feel anxiety because I can't get close nor talk to you like we always do. I spend long nights by myself, trying to erase my thoughts more than a thousand time.
I’m a wanderer trapped in a maze who’s lost his way I still can’t do it, I’m at my end I’m just waiting, hoping that you’ll softly come to me girl Just like when we first met, like that eager time Oh my, Don’t ever let go of the string between you and me, please.
I don't want to be without you If you're still thinking of our past memories I will find you again and move on with you because i have no regrets from loving you take the good memories and leave the bad ones we can bear it in some way we can stand in some way I don't want you to go away.
oh girl, i cry. You're my all, dont ever say goodbye. You're my heart, dont ever say goodbye. You're my all, dont ever give up.
I don’t want to be without you Take my eager heart with you, I love you I need you.
I've been forgiven at last. But I have to bear what is happening to me right now and I have to start anew. It's hard for me to go on but that is the only thing I can do now. I have to leave the past behind to move on. I've been in this kind of situation and it took me two years to get better but I don't know how long it will take for me to get better now. I've gone through many things but it's already written that it will turn out like this. I just want everyone to be happy. I thank that person for giving me the chance of a lifetime. I love that person and I will always do. If I'm destined to be with her again in this short time, I will be happy enough and I thank god for that. Maybe it's part of mine and other peoples doing that make this happen. I could not stand but I have to. Thanks for everything and I'm really sorry for everything that I've done that made you mad or anything. I love you.
It’s been a while since I last blogged. 1st, I would like to say that my concept arts are still in the process and I don’t know how long will it take to finish them. Well that’s for my concept arts blog.
It’s been really long since the last time I blogged. I was too busy with my assignments and other personal problems. There’s many thing I would like to write here. Maybe some of you might know and maybe everyone doesn’t know about it. So here it goes.
Being an architect was my dream since I went to Technical High School when I was form 4 which I took building chemistry course and I was the top 5 student in the school to score in our national exam; SPM. I’ve learnt many things there and I thank god for it for giving me the chance of a lifetime. I always love drawing since I was a little kid who doesn’t know what an architect is until the day I got into Tech. High School. I would say I draw better than blogging because whatever I feel I’ll put in that piece of paper and I don’t have to worry about grammar mistakes. Looks like I have to kill this dream of mine because of myself and my family. I’m thinking of changing my course and I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I’ve been repeating for 2 times even though I did my best. The 1st time I failed it’s because of my mistake but the 2nd time I give my all but I still ended up failing. Mama and daddy never know this yet and maybe when I get my PS3 I will tell them because I don’t want them get upset because of my education. Besides family, I don’t think my body would stand the burden of doing too many works and most of all; having lack of sleep because of assignments. I always deny when people say that architecture is not for me but I think those people said are true; Architecture is not for me even if it’s something I like because my body couldn’t take it. It’s sad to think about this though. Killing a dream that I always wanted it to happen but then, I just got to face it and start anew. I haven’t decided what course but software engineering came into my mind. I did think of being a software engineer when I was a computer geek. *laughs* Well, I will write about this when I’ve decided if I should change my course.
Well, that’s for the education side. How about my life?
Too many things happened since the last time I blogged and I think it will be very long if I put it in here and maybe most of you might get bored reading it because of my grandmother’s story or grammar mistakes. Well, Fuck it. I’m not going to write it anyway because I think it’s too personal for me to write it. But I will tell what I wanted this few months.
I’ve done too many mistakes to the people who I know and close with. I just wanted to be forgiven for all my mistakes that I’ve done. I never forgive myself because I know that even if I said I’m sorry, I might make the same mistake again. I know I’m not the only person who say sorry and ended up making the same mistake again but, I just can’t take it. So what I really wanted all this time is; I want to be forgiven for all the mistakes that I’ve done to my friends so they could be happy and I would do anything to make that happen.
I love the people who I know. For those who are elder or younger than me, I treat them like they are my own siblings. I’m sorry if I ever make you guys upset and I want you guys to know that, I deserve to be hated if I ever made one of you suffer because of my own doings. I’m really sorry.And I promise that I’m willing to do anything to make you forgive me and make you guys happy.
Now, I would like to take the chance to pour my feelings out to the people who I loved a lot.
Honey, the person who I loved the most after my parents. She has treated me well and loved me with all her heart. I love her. Many things happened between me and her and I hope we’ll stick together till the end even if one day I have to leave her for the sake of her own happiness (its part of the sacrifice to see her happy being herself and do what she wants. And of course it’s because I love her.). Honey, I’m sorry for all the shit that I’ve done to you until now. I hope you are happy with your life and I want you to know that I’m willing to do anything to make you happy. I mean a-ny-thing. But what I really want you to know is that; you have been a great friend ever since I knew you and I really love you. I won’t forget all the things we’ve done and gone through together. It’s the best thing that I ever had being with someone who is so gorgeous. I thank you for everything that you have done for me and giving me a great time to be with you. Thanks and sorry for everything, I love you.
Ros, The only person who is not blood related that who I would say ‘like my own big sister’ to me. Kak, you’ve known many things about me and I thank you for everything that you have shared with me. I thank you for that. I’m sorry for everything if I ever make you mad or anything. You’re a good sister and hope that until the day I die you are willing to share things with me because I don’t forget people so easily but, Kalau ko kawin and suami hang x bagi hang kwn ngan aku, aku xleh cakap papa lar. Hahaha..
Nana, My 1st girlfriend and of course, my 1st ever ex. Maybe we’ve never been together not even a year but I want you to know and maybe you know that I’ve learnt many things from you when we were together. You’ve thought me to be patient in everything I do, being a person who doesn’t care about people’s mistake and others. I hope that we will be friends forever.Hope that you will find someone who is better and suitable for you.I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done and I’m looking forward to see you becoming someone in the future.
Khai, you god damn dumb son of a bitch *kidding*. You! You were one hell of an amazing friend and 1 great secret box. Everything that nana told you few years ago you still keep it and I don’t know if you still remember it. I’m sorry for what happen before when me and Nana chase you out of the house until you went to the court and play basketball in the dark and shouted ‘BODOH´ to us when we passed by the court. I’m really sorry for that shit, man. Oh yeah, I’m even sorry to for what Syko( you know who ) did to me before when I didn’t listen to you and the others. I thank you for that. *Wondering how you are right now ever since you moved to your dad’s house.*
Aie, the guy who loves Farida so much before. You sure mock me nicely that night with those words you created. I will kill Farida for that! Hahaha. I’m sorry for being such an ass before when I was dating Nana. Friends forever man and hope that I’ll get to see you in the skies one day.
Well, Thats all I could write for now because I’m tired typing for so long. This is for the people who I know;
I’m sorry for all the mistakes that I’ve done but I want you to know that I love you guys. Without you, I will never be anyone by now. I thank you for that.
To the people who have followed my blog since the start, I thank you and may god bless you all.
