Side project..

Well, some of you might know my dearest Honey had opened a new blog for her to share a gist of her arts.

Most of you do know that me and Honey has a clothing line which is called cadmus clothing.

Right now I'm doing a side project for myself and I will open a new blog to share those stuff with you. What I am going to display there are concept arts which might ended up being one of our design one day. It will take a long time for me to update it because ideas don't come like the wind. I might make 10 drawings in 1 day and maybe that 10 drawing will be crap.

So, do visit it and comment if you want to and do read the INSTRUCTIONS ( <- click it )before doing anything nasty.

Wish life's like a video game.

For the past few days I’ve been playing gears of war. I’ve finished gears for more than 3 times and it’s going to be the 4^th time if I finish this game, again.

That’s not the case right now. Earlier today I went to my campus to take Honey’s result to fax it to the PTPTN office. It’s been more than a week I’ve waited for them to call but there’s none. Uncle Taufik said that his friend in the PTPTN office wants it before the 27^th. Without further a due, I make my way to the campus and take the results and fax it to PTPTN.

While I was on my way home from campus, something came into my mind when I take a look at Honey’s result. Her results are better than mine, obviously. I felt that I wish my life was like a video game. You know, when you die in action and you just have to select continue to restart it from the last checkpoint in a level. Yea, I wish I could do that when I failed any subject in a semester. But I can’t, there’s no continue button in real life. You need money to repeat your subject or semester, not by selecting continue with a gamepad connected to a console.

Now, since real life is not like a video game. I wish that no matter what happen, my parents will still be able to support me in my studies. I’m not saying that I’m lazy and I don’t give a damn about my parent’s burden when it comes to money. Besides that, I wish that everything that I have right now won’t be gone when I fail in anything. I’ve tried my best in all the things that I’ve done and I never wanted to fail. I don’t want the people around me to think that I’m just a person who don’t give a damn about his future.

I don’t want to be someone who losses everything just because I failed in doing something when I’d already did my best. Make it a human being (Parent’s, Honey, and my best friend) or an object; I don’t want to lose them because of my own failure when I already did my best in trying to achieve what I want.

Honey won't be on tonight.. GHAAA...

Yes, Honey won't be on tonight. I miss her. Wawawewa. She's coming back next week and I'm very excited to see her again! Honey I miss you!!

Owh Ami...Owh Honey.

Dear Ami. It's been a year and a half you lost me and nearly 2 years you lost my feelings towards you. (I'm disgusted to say that I love you.) Wondering if you're having the best time in your life mingling with every guy out there and you don't even care if that person is engaged to someone.

Ever since the day I met you, I know I wouldn't be happy. But I'm just too stupid to accept you because I thought that I would forget Nana. What a sad thing huh? Many things happened between us and I got the blame for every shit that you've done. I don't know if you will found this blog one day or maybe you are already looking at it day by day and if you did read my blog day by day. Here's a message for you; FUCK YOU WHORE! DON'T EVER TRY TO MESS WITH MY RELATIONSHIP!

Please don't mess with my relationship. I had enough for what you've done to my friends, and most importantly my ex who just turned into a lesbian. What the fuck you were thinking? You think she will accept me again when she turned into a lesbian? Even though she's my ex. I never hated her. She taught me a lot of things and because of that; I'm damn happy with Honey right now.

I'll be coming to see you one day when Honey comes back to kl and that's for real. See you when the time comes.

Dear Honey. I've been telling you these for more than a zillion times but I still don't get fed up saying these things every time.

I love you, I thank you for everything. I'm sorry for everything too. I miss you and I can't wait to see you again. I don't give a damn about the dream that I've got because I love you and trust you.

I know in those dream you said that you wanted someone else but it never effected me at all because I know you love me. I want to love you and not to possess you. I don't want to lose you because I love you and you make me the happiest man alive among my friends *I don't know about other people*.

I've decided what I should buy for you and I will be getting it by this week. I hope that you will like what I'm going to give to you for our anniversary. Whatever I did for you, you don't have to say thanks or anything because you're the one who accepted me. What I only want from you is to stay with me and love me, That's all. I love you, NUR AZHANI

I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, DEAR!!!

What a day!

Many things happened today. I slept around 5am and woke up at 8.am. I had to send Kitz to the church in KL, It's called St.John and it was my granny's favourite church. She went there every weekend 10 years ago when she was still alive. Miss her though.

Sent kitz and waited for him for more than 1hr. We reached the church at 9.50am and I thought the mass will start at 10am. So dropped Kitz in front of the church and waited outside and I realized that people was looking at me I. text Honey till she goes to sleep at 11.am. Kitz finished his mass at 11.30am and that makes you know that I was bored in the car all alone for 1/2 an hour. I wish Honey was around when I was alone. GHAAA.. Another 7 days!!

When Kitz came out from the church he told me that the mass start at 10.30am and obviously we arrived too early. I and Kitz decided to go hang out at Bukit Bintang and both of us agreed. While we're on the way, we told Mama that we were going there and she doesn't mind about it. Daddy called us when we're near the entrance to Bukit Bintang, Lucky us that we haven't got into the parking lot because he wanted us to head back home. Without further a due, we head back home and both of us were quite in the car.

We reached home approximately 12.30pm. I was too tired, sent a message to Honey but there were no replies and I guess that she's still asleep and I decided to put my head on the pillow and sleep. Here's where the 2nd thing starts.

While I was asleep, I had a dream; a weird one. Honey was somewhere with my family and I don't know where the hell I was. I was lost in 'I don't know where it is' town. Honey sent me a message telling me that I'm one worthless person and one hell of wimp to be with. Yes, that’s what she said 'A wimp and a worthless person' to be with and she's wants another guy, Have no idea who is it.

I'm losing my mood to write and I'm still going to write.

Few hours ago, we sent Kitz back to his college. I felt something is wrong somewhere and I decided not to drive and let Daddy drive. When we're on the way, I saw another living thing; a ghost for instance. I knew that thing was following us since we left the house because that's the thing that wants to get near to my family but it can't.
Because the thing couldn’t get near us, it used other people to threaten us. 3 things happened.
-We nearly hit by a lorry.
-We hit by a car.
-A hood of a car suddenly opened and it block the cars windshield and lucky, the driver managed to control the car because the car suddenly move to our lane; right in front of us.

I know what’s the cause of all the incident but I kept it too myself. But at last, Mama figured out and she just told Daddy to relax because that thing is trying to get near us.

We’re just going to leave that thing for now till this Paktih come over to my house this Thursday.

I’m wondering what the hell is wrong with the environment around me and my family. I’ve been having weird dreams and Daddy’s still sick. It’s obviously the effect of that thing. About my dreams, I don’t know what to say about it. I can only tell that Honey’s not like that. I love her. I trust her and her feelings. I wish those dream will never come true because I know she’s not like that.

And as for my family, as long as we’re strong. Nothing will happen.
That is all.

I've lost weight!!!!

Yes. My original weight ever since early this year when I got into college for a new sem was 70kg. Right now I've gone down 65. I just hope after this my weight will go down more.

Just read a random blog. The blogger reminds me of my ex and I hated her (my ex). I really want to know who's that girl who wrote the blog.

Mambang's (Ghosts, spirits etc etc..)

Mambang's have finally invaded my house, Again. But it's not that serious as it was few months ago where my mama got sick because of it.


I slept early yesterday. And while I was sleeping, I had a dream and I guess it's from the mambang's. I dream that I was on a nice field and it suddenly turned into a place where it's full of snakes. Too many snakes and I remember 1 of the snake was bigger than my arms, guess it's a python coz it was sooooo bigggg. I woke up as I saw that snake and I found out thats its only 2am.

I sleep back after a few minutes.

Again, I had another dream and this time it's different. This time, Honey's in the dream. It started when I was infront of the house and Ros opened the door. Honey was not at in when I got into the house. I went to her room and I saw her with a guy. Don't have any idea who is that guy. She laughed at me when she saw me. I woke up again and it's 6am.

I told mama about the 1st dream. The 2nd dream I kept it to myself and I told Honey about it.

When mama heard about my 1st dream, she said that mambang's are back and she don't know what mambang is it. So, the conclusion that I can make for the dream is; that dream might be a disturbance from the mambang's.

About the 2nd dream. I would say it's from the mambang too. Maybe it could be because of my emotions or my mental states during the time I sleep but, only god knows.

I was quite terrified because of the 2nd dream. Yeah, I love Honey a lot but in that dream she did something which I don't expect that she would do. Hmmmm..... Don't know. I'm not thinking about that dream. The reality is now that she's with me and we're happy together.

Let's put a smile on that face...

Just came back from watching The Dark Knight. I'm not going to give out any spoilers but I just recommend that you MUST watch it if you're a fan of Batman, like me.

Went to watch it with my sibs and my cousin, Kitz. Who just came back from College to spend his weekends here in my house. And right now, I'm bored and I'm chatting with Honey. I miss Honey a lot. Just 9 days left and I will see her again. I'm having a normal fever and I don't know what makes me sick.

Saw a poster of an upcoming malay movie called 'Susuk'. It's a horror movie and I bet that most Malaysian knows that most of the horror movies weird names which are usually objects such as; Cermin, congkak, gong, and bla bla bla. I guess the Malaysian producers and directors are facing short of ideas to make a movie. My friend used to say that maybe 1 day there will be a movie called; Jamban (Toilet bowl), Helmet, Handphone and Peti Ais (Refrigerator). I don't know if that would happen but from what I can see that is the industry is going that way. If there is a movie with that name in Malaysia 1 day. LOL. I don't know what to say.

Enough with my crap. I'm bored. I want to see Honey and I want to talk to her. *sobs*

I wish shes with me right now. I love you and miss you dear.. huhuhu... I can't wait to see you again. GHAAA...

Rottening and anxiously waiting. Even loving her more in every second.

It's 9.09pm when I'm writing this. I'm messaging Honey right now, God I miss her. I wish she's around right now. Just 2 weeks left for her to come back and we could celebrate our anniversary. For nearly a year she's with me right now and I'm HAPPY to be with her until now. She's everything to me after my parents, She's always there whenever I wanted her no matter if we're far or close to each other.

Ever since the day I know her, the day where I even don't have feelings for her. Even though we were friends. I felt happy and I know that I'm not alone there because ever since I got my foot into that college, I thought I'm just going to be a loner there. I can't forget the times where I used to annoy shak telling him that I want to know her till our freshies night; the day where I get to know her. When I 1st start talking to her, I felt like we've known each other like more than 10 years even though we just known each other like a few minutes. She help me by taking photos of the event and telling me that she's the best photographer in BRAT's *LOL, it's true that she's the best.*

And on that very night, she started to share her feelings with me. I'm like the center man *lol, good times dear, good times.* I have discovered a lot of things about her since that night. The next morning I had breakfast with her downstairs alone while I was waiting for my parents to fetch me and go home. I was quite shy and nervous to talk to her but everything that I felt were gone after that. After a few minutes talking, my parents came and she went back home. Can't forget the time where she couldn't get in because she didn't bring her smart card with her; I was in the car that time.

She told me while I was on my way home that she wanted to go to KL and without further a due I told her that I will follow her. Around 1pm, HONEY and tqa waited for me at the KTM serdang bus stop. We met at KTM serdang and take the train to KL central and from there we took the Monorail to Times Square. We walked around in Times Square and that was the time where I got the name 'Tok Wan' from Honey and she got the name 'Nenek Kebayan' from me. Tqa got the name 'Makcik' by me. Ever since then we got stuck with our own unique name. *HAPPY TIMES*

Both of us used to go to the internet cafe at the hostel's plaza. I had a great time with her since that day, but I don't know about her. *how bout u, dear? had a good time when we just know each other?* After a few days of knowing her, I felt different. I already had feelings for her but I just don't know if I should tell her because there was something happening that time and I don't think I should write about it.

I kept my feelings to myself for 3 days. On the eve of 2nd august. I took her out for dinner at IOI's Pizza Hut. We had great time there and I was just ignoring my feelings towards her. After dinner, we head back home and while we're on the bus; we listen a song together with our walkman. When we reached our Hostel, we bid farewell and went back to our own house. While I was on the way back home, I was confuse. I don't know if I should tell her about my feelings towards her. While I was lying down on the bed and I was messaging with her, my room mate invited me to follow him and have dinner outside around Kajang. I accepted and I followed him and his sister. While I was in his sister's car. I decided to tell her my feelings by starting to say that everything is complicated right now but she doesn't understand. So, I sent her this;

"Situation skrg nie agak pelik skrg sbb,
Aku suka ko, ko suka s*** but s*** lak ada awek."

She still doesn't understand what I meant and she just replied;

"HA? Aku x fham lar pebenda ko cakap."

Knowing that she's still confuse. I make things straight.

"AKU SUKA KO. ko lak suka s***, s*** lak ada awek.
AKU SUKA KO. But aku kalah sebab ko suka s***"

All the sudden, She kept quite. I was worried, I was scared that if I made the wrong move. I couldn't eat what they ordered at the shop when this thing happened. I called s*** and tell him that I've confessed but she suddenly kept quite. He told me to chill.

After a few moment at the shop. There's still no reply, I keep on sending her message telling her that I'm sorry this and that. We reached the hostel and I was on my bed. It was 12.30 and it's been an hour that she never replied. She told me that she doesn't mind about it and I don't have to apologize. I just replied by saying that I'm sorry, I know I've lost and I won't get her because she liked s***. Then she sent me another message by saying;

"Bukan dia sorang jer aku pandang,
I do think of you sometimes
but not as much as him."

I was awkward, I don't know whats going to happen next and I just replied by saying 'OWH.' After a few minutes she sent me another message.

"I could give you a chance. If you want."

And I responded;

"I don't mind taking the chance
if you have feelings for me too."

She admitted that she had feelings for me too by saying;

"I do have feelings for you, so?
You want to take the chance or not?"

I couldn't say a thing. I just tell her that I'm willing to take the chance. She accepted me and I thank her straight away.

Since that night, My life has started to change and made me who I am now. A person who hell yeah love Honey a lot. She helped me a lot in all kinds of way and she treated me greatly.

Now, we're just waiting to celebrate our 1st anniversary together and I hope that both of us will be better in the future.

Honey, I thank you for everything. Thanks for accepting me and change me to who I am now. I just hope you're happy to be with me because I am obviously happy to be with you until now. I never met such a loving person like you and I thank you for that too. I'm sorry for everything that I've done and hope you will forgive me. You don't have to be sorry if you think you ever did anything wrong to me, I love you and I always forgive you. I want to be the best for you, I want us to love each other. I miss you a lot, dear. I wish you were around now so that I could talk to you and have fun. Talking to you on the phone the whole day would be good enough for me but I can't. Without you here, I feel so empty and I just don't know what to do. Being with you makes me feel alive. You're the most beautiful girl in the world for me, I don't give a damn about any other girls because looking at them means nothing. But looking at your beauty means something to me. I'm hell proud to have you by my side and I'm not shy to tell the whole world about my feelings towards you, dear.

I thank god for giving me the chance to be with someone who is beautiful, caring and loving like you, dear. I love you.

Please don't give up on me because I won't give up on you. You have my word on that and I hope you can see that. Please tell me whenever I'm doing something that could bring something nasty to our relationship. I love you, I love this relationship and I want us to take care of it together. I love you, Nur Azhani.

I am bidding farewell to this so called 'bad attitude' of mine.

This is the edited version of the earlier blog entitled; dear???. 90% are originally from that old blog. This is just like a continuation of the blog.

Early this morning, I've finally realize how sensitive I am. WOW! I am really sensitive when it comes to this matter. And now I am writing this blog just to tell the world how I feel because after this I am going to bid farewell to this attitude because I think it will just destroy my relationship with my dearest Honey if I keep on being like this. So, let's start.

It all started when someone who is also Honey's friend confessed to her that he likes her. Love or like? I have no idea, and if you want to know; ask him by yourself. I wasn't shocked to hear the news from Honey because I already had the feeling that he liked her since last year, and the only thing I don't know is; Honey did had a crush on him a long time ago in the galaxy far far away before she knew me. But now Honey's with me and I trust her feelings towards me.

It's not like the 1st time this thing happen to me, it's the 5th time if you count it all together when I was with my ex's. But I don't know, this time the effect is different; what I was feeling was totally describable. It's something which is more I don't know what to say thing.

Nothing bad happen anyway, I didn't went and find that guy and bash him up. I don't know him and it's his will to like whoever he wants. But I just hope he realize that I'm happy to be with Honey and he could accept the fact. He can be friends with Honey and I just want him to move on with his life, stop telling Honey to come to him. That's all. But that's all depends on Honey to tell him. Like I said ' I love her and I trust her feelings towards me'. She knows what to do with him.'

I know what I felt was bad for my relationship and that's why I'm going to bid farewell to this attitude. I don't want her to feel that I'm controlling or most importantly; not trusting her feelings towards me. I never wanted this attitude but I guess it's in every single man in this small world but it's up to them to learn how to control it. For more than 5 times I face this kind of situation, I'm still able to control myself but; I don't think it's really that good.

I am okay okay right now, I am happy to be with Honey and I am not scared that Honey will leave me. I trust her her feelings. I just want to get rid of this attitude. I don't know what should I call this feeling. Give me a name for this feeling will you?

Honey, I'm sorry that I felt like that. I never wanted to, I love you and I trust your feeling towards me and I thank you for that. I love you, I'm trying to change for the better so that you could be happy. I respect you. Please forgive me if I hurt you regarding this situation. I just hate if he will just keep on asking you to go to him. That's all. I trust you, I love you and I believe that you know what you should do to him. Sorry for everything dear. I thank you for everything and most of all, being with me until now. I just want us to last, that's all. I want to love you, only you and I want us to love each other. I want us to be the best for each other, I want to be the best for you. Everything that we face is just a test from god so that we could learn about each other and get closer than ever.

Again, I thank you again Honey. I love you.

It's just a dream..

I'm bored right now, Honey's asleep and I don't know what to do so I decided to tell you people about my dream that I got. *Lol, I don't know why it happen*

I have no idea why I had that dream. I've been beaten up by few unknown guys at my hostel area. It was at the corridor on the 3rd floor where my new house is. I was walking alone and I don't know where's Honey that time, maybe she's at home. While I was walking a few guys came up and hit me from the back. I didn't know who is it. They just hit me a couple of time and they ran away; I didn't get to see their face because my eye sight was cover with blood. I don't know which part of my body that the blood came from. I woke up all the sudden and realize that it was just a dream and it seems I woke up on the other side of the bed.

I continued sleeping after a few seconds when I wake up. Again, I get another dream and it seems it continues where it left off which is outside of my house. I walk into the house and clean myself up and kept quite. I sent a message to Honey while I was in the house telling her what happened to me but there were no reply, I just guess that maybe shes busy or something which make her didn't realize I sent her a message. After a few minutes I called her and she rejected my call for a few times.

I decided to go to her house and see if everything's okay. I put on my clothes and make my way to her house. I wasn't feeling nervous when I went to her house. As I reached her house I knocked the door. Honey opened the door and I saw Ros starring at me as though there was something wrong. Honey just said Hi and apologize for not replying the message. As I get into the house, again, I've been hit by someone and this time I get to see the guys who hit me. LOL, 1 of them was Nasa, and the other 3 are someone who I didn't know. Honey and Ros were just looking at me like they already expected it. *Hmm.. I wonder what was dream for*

Seriously, I've been hit quite hard on the head, they broke my right arm. I woke up straight and it seems my right arm was pain and yes, I wake up on the other side of the bed again. That's where all the dream end and I sleep with having a new dream going on. I don't think I want to write about that dream.

I don't know why did this dream suddenly came during my sleep. My mental was stable and I wasn't that sad. Hmmm... I don't know what's the reason behind it but maybe someone out there kows it

Memories. (while I was writing this, tears came out of my eyes)

I suddenly remembered my past when I was still with my ex, Rahmi a.k.a syko. I nearly lost my family when I was with her. It was the most depressing part of my life. Too many lies been told by her to my parents and I don't know if my parents trust me that time.

It was PMR, our form 3 national exam. Everything has already started before but it was not just as bad as I'm going to face on that day. I finally decided to end my relationship before I went back to my hostel in Pahang so that I could lead a normal life like I used too, but she doesn't want it. Without further a due I just ignore her needs to be with me. Later on on that day when I was in the bus on the way back to hostel; without my knowledge and my parents know that I had enough with her, they decided to go to her house and talk to her parents.

I know something was going to happen when I was in the bus but I just didn't expect that would happen. When I reached my hostel, nothing happened until I receive a call from syko few minutes after I reached my dorm while I was chatting with my friend about our exams tommorow.

"MAK BAPAK KO DATANG RUMAH AKU KO TAU X?" That's the 1st thing that came out from her mouth right after I answer her call. I responded "Give mama the phone please let me talk or please put it on loud speaker if she doesn't want to speak to me." I heard her talking to mama sarcastically telling her that I want to talk to her and I could hear clearly that mama said she doesn't want to talk to me or listen to my lies. I straight away told her without giving a damn who's listening "Whatever it is please don't listen to her, Why do you still go there when I already told you when I don't have anything with her already"

While I was shoving out my words, Syko turned off the loud speaker and told me to 'Fuck off'. I cried when I knew that my parents were there. I felt like that I was not trusted by them at all and they seem to trust syko more than their own 1st child. I cried more than an hour there in the room. Coincidently, that day was my english teachers last day in school and most of her students went to bid farewell. I was confused, don't know if I should go and talk to my teacher for the last time. My friend told me to cheer up and meet my teacher. He knows whats going on with me.

So, I went and make my way to my teachers house with tears coming out my eyes. I felt like I was thrown away by my own parents when all that thing happened. After meeting my teacher, I went back to my dorm and sit all alone at the end of the room where my bed is. I suddenly got a message from an unknown number telling me that I deserve to be treated like this and hope it will go on like that forever. I ignored the message until a second message from the same number comes in. It seems what I guess was right, It was syko. She wanted me back and I ignored her message. While I was ignoring her, I finally got an idea that I will get my revenge on her and follow her flow.

I followed her acting as though that I was in love with her till it's one year we're together. And thank god, I think I have done the greatest thing on her. I leave her and see her begging and crying in front of me.

If I want to write the whole story here, It'll be more than a year to tell you everything. That's for real. There's many people out there who face the same problem like me and some are different. Honey had her own family problem. Tiqa had her own and so did Ros. But mine is different, I could be thrown away because of a girl.

Looks like I don't have time to shove off everything. I got to go.

Umm.. Lets go back to the beginning, shall we?

I've just looked over my old blog in myspace. I've realized that my style of writing is totally different than the way it is back then. I don't know why it suddenly change and it seems that I like the old style because it looks much more 'HONEST' than now. Well, I'm not saying that I'm lying but it seems that I don't shove all my feelings while writing. So now I'm going to go back to classics.

Okay, let's start.

I'm am listening to Ferry Corsten right now. He's music are quite good but it does not match Tiesto's. I'm missing honey a lot right now and I'm wishing she's around. God knows how much I miss her right now. I can't wait for our 1st anivesary which is just around the corner. I'm planning to buy and make some presents for her but I don't know if that would happen. As you know, like I wrote in my last blog that my salary wasn't ready when it should be.

The reason I'm so into giving Honey a present is because well yes, I love her a lot and I treasure her with all my heart. But the main point for me to give her a present is something which I think it's a feeling that word could not describe.

It all started after the night where I took Honey to Pizza Hut for dinner. Ever since 1230a.m on the 2nd of August, My life has started to change from the worse to the best. I've never thought that Honey would accept me after I told her everything about what I felt about her. I was so scared before and after I told her about my feelings because I'm scared that she will never talk to me again if she knows the true story but I was wrong. When I told her everything, there was no signal around my hostel area and she couldn't reply my message and while there is no signal there, I was with my house mate having satay at a shop in Kajang but I just couldn't eat. I was scared that she wouldn't talk to me again.

After I get back home, I got a message from her stating that she would give me a chance and I take that chance. Because I took that chance, I'm like the happiest person ever when I have her around me until now. I thank her for accepting me and being with me from that very day till now.

To many good and bad things we have faced during the journey and thank god, everything is going smoothly and we're still together. I love her more in every second and if there's anything bad or good happened, It grows more than usual when there is nothing happening. She's always with me in bad and good times. I can't forget the times where she will try to cheer me up whenever I feel down in certain things. She's always there for me and I hope I'm always there for her.

I miss those times where we always hang out together in her old house where Tiqa and Aka was staying together with her because that's the time where everything in my whole life changed. The times where I played with her drumstick acting like I'm a conductor for an orchestra group and suddenly I started singing Ne-Yo's 'Because of you' song to Honey, Aka, and Tiqa. Ever since that day, I would say that 'Because of you' song is like our theme song because whenever Honey's going back to taiping; that song will definitely be played on the radio.

I miss her a lot right now, just wish that we're together now to fill our boring holidays. I know I've done some bad things to her before and now, I am trying to change for the better so that both of us would be happy.

Honey is like part of myself right now. Without her, I could not live my life to the fullest. Yes, to the fullest. There's nothing that could describe my feelings for her.

Honey, I miss you a lot. I wish you were here right so that we can spend time together. I miss everything that we've gone through before. I miss those time where we always hang out at the poolside till late night and crap sometimes. I hope you know that and always bare that in mind. Happy times dear, Happy times. I miss seeing you laughing when I crap until sometimes you get annoyed and pinch me here and there. I miss it! I've never missed anyone like I missed you. I just miss those times dear. T_T

Ever since you accepted me, I couldn't look at any girls because I just love you a lot and for me, you are the most beautiful girl in the world; it's true and I hope you trust me. I just couldn't stop thinking about you when you're not around even when you're around me. I just love you a lot. I don't want anyone else because I love you, ONLY YOU.

I want to thank you for all the sacrifice that you've done for me. Being with me by my side in the hospital when I had asthma, Coming to my house late night if I ever get sick. You even come to my house early in the morning if I don't answer your call.

I never felt so proud telling people whom I trust about how much I love you and miss you. Who are you to me are just beyond words which I couldn't describe by words. I love you. If you ever think or I get mad with you, I'm sorry and I really mean it. I just want us to be happy. I'm sorry too for everything that I've done that made you mad like hell. I just love you. I'm really sorry. I'm trying my best to change and be the best for you and I need your help too to make that happen.

Okay lar.. My hands are tired of typing..

Dear, Please remember that I love you so much and I just want to make you happy. I can't wait to see you again and celebrate our anniversary. I promise I will try my best to change myself to make you happy. I love you, NUR AZHANI.

F*Ck, why does this always happen?

Today, I have the most 'god knows how bad it is' day. I called Kak Ju to ask about my salary which suppose to be ready last Saturday and what I get to know is it's not even ready and they want me to wait till the end of the month. What the hell?

What made me upset is, I've planned to buy something for Honey for our 1st anniversary which is just around the corner and I want to buy it before she come back here which is on the 28th; 2 weeks from now. I don't know when will my salary will be ready for me to take. It would be okay if it's ready before the 28th because I still have time to buy that thing.

What I'm planning to give Honey is 2 things, 1 handmade and the other one cost around 100 over. Hell what a frustration to face. I want to get my ass to KL as soon as possible with my salary and buy that present for Honey.

I don't know why this happen to me all the time. It's not the 1st time for me though, I don't know how many times; I lost count but I could say it always happen. Last year I thought of buying something for Honey and I have the money but, I have to give the money to my parents and sibs. What a luck I have in this kind of situation. I really want to buy that thing for Honey. I didn't expect that this would happen for our 1st anniversary

That was the 1st problem for today. The 2nd one is...

Since I was still in my 2nd semester, My parents want me to change my room from a twin sharing room to a single room and of course; a new house. So, few days ago we went to the hostel's management office to ask if there's any single room available in block A and it seems there's only 3 houses that has a single room. The first house they recommend to me is on the third floor and the people who are living in the house are Bangladeshis and the other houses are all Arabic. Well without further a due, I've decided to reserved the 1st house for me because I've stayed with bangla's before and they're better than my house mates. My parents also agreed with me and they tell the Bryan (the management guy) to calculate everything and reserve the room for me.

The amount of changing the room is 420-645. My parents still agreed without any hesitations and they planned to come again on Monday which is today to settle everything.

So today, we went to the hostel's management office again to settle the room changing thingy. Before we went to Desaria (My hostel), we've dropped Daddy at the Serdang hospital *The worst hospital that I've ever been* to do his check up on his dengue. After sending daddy to the hospital, we make our way straight to the hostel.

As we reached the hostel, everything was going smoothly. The amount we have to pay was Rm645.00 and Mama paid with her credit card. Mama didn't blame a thing because she wants me to change my room A.S.A.P. After settling all the payment. We head back to the hospital to fetch Daddy and go back home. It seems when we reached the hospital, The doctor was not around and of course; my Daddy didn't met the doctor yet. From there on, my Daddy had realized how lousy is that damn hospital is. While we're on the way home, Something came out from Daddy's mouth when he heard that we have to pay RM645 for changing the room. We had a short argument about me wanting to change room. I was quite pissed for a second and I managed to get myself back together. I don't know why when he's mad at something, everyone gets from him even Mama.

I guess that's all for the bad thing that happen to me today.

Kitz... See you next week, my royal assness.

Okay. So, this blog is going to be about my cousin who just came to KL from taiping, Honeys hometown. Why? Because he's now Clan of the British Bulldogs *A name created by me for the students of Nottingham University*

He's here for 3 days already and I don't know if he misses home, I don't wanna ask.

So, for the 1st day; the day he arrived here. Everything seems great till comes the time where he have to see his parents go off, I'm not going to say what happened.

Thats for the 1st day and for the 2nd day, everything is different and he seems happy. He will be staying in my house every weekends if there's no class on weekends. So, what I do when he's around? Thats what I'm going to write about now.

Well, we're close cousins since we were wearing diapers which I think you can guess how long has it been. So nothing change until now, the only difference is that; we're big, he's single and I'm totally loving someone and waiting for our 1st anniversary which is around the corner. We crap 24/7 like we don't give a damn whose around us. We just say whatever we want be it dirty or anything else. But we always call each other with harsh words. And I even get the nickname Borat *yes, borat*, Azril the town rapist, and josh the abortionist.

And kitz get this nikname; Kitso the town rapist, Kitso the rapist, Kitso the abortionist, and Kitso who has a serious mental rrrreeeeetardatttiioon. And sometimes we called each other with other nicknames.

What the hell

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie!!!



Opening Credits:
Waking the demon. - Bullet For My Valentine.


Waking up:
Leave out all the rest. - Linkin Park.

First Day At University:
Counting Down The Days - Sunfreakz (A house music Dj)

Falling In Love:

Next to you - Darude *ahahahah*

Fight Song:
Make Up - Escape The Fate *lagu break up jadi fight song*


Breaking-up:
Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus *hahah..penah melalui*

Prom:
Lullaby - The Cure *lagu nie pakai menari ngan Honey best!*

Life's OK:
D.A.N.C.E - Justice *Wa...Lagu house lagi..Ceria selalu*

Mental Breakdown:
Die Romantic - Aiden *penah lalui gak*

Driving:
Its Hard to say - The Used *LYN...*


Flashback:
See you in hell - Aiden *mmg elok utk flashback ku and syko..elok utk syko*


Getting Back Together:
Earthquake - The Used *MMG Elok!*


Wedding:
Forever Today! - Tiesto *Mmg cun.*


Final Battle:
First Light - Bart Claessan *A dj. A catchy song for a great battle*


Death Scene:
Paris - Bt *A dj again?*


Funeral Song:
Without you - Silverchair *heheheh*


End Credits:
Silence is easy - Starsailor *mmg elok*

Give me a title if u can.

Yesterday, approximately 2.pm I was attacked by an unknown pain on the right side of my chest till the back. I didn't know whats the cause behind it but I suspected it's just a normal muscle pain but it just went worse till I could not breath. As I couldn't fight the pain anymore; I have decided to tell my parents to take me to the clinic to check whats wrong with me but I the only respond I got from them is "Go and drink the air yassin". Without further a due I drink the air yassin and relax but it seems after more than 2 hours nothing is changing. Again, I've decided to ask my parents to take me to the clinic and they still insist me to drink the air yassin. I have no idea what they were thinking when they've seen me like that. I don't want to mumble with my parents and I just keep going on with the pain.

My mama planned to take us for an even movie in Jusco. I've told mama that it's better to buy the ticket early because it's the weekends and the cinema will be crowded and we might not get any ticket for the movie. So later that evening when I was in pain, mama has decided to go after prayers and we did. I was quite upset when they didn't want to listen to me about buying the ticket earlier plus; mama told me to drive even though she knew that I was in pain. I explained to her that I'm scared to drive because anything can happen if I drive but she still just don't give a damn and tell me to drive. She was also quite confident that nothing would happen.

We've finally got into the car and I drive everyone to Jusco. As we reach Jusco, we could find a place to park our car. It seems the only place for us to park the car is at the rooftop and we parked our car there. While we were walking to the cinema; I was chatting with honey on the phone like we usually do and there's something inside me telling me that all the shows were full. I trusted my senses and it seems, true.

When mama knew that all the show were full, She scolded me telling that I didn't told them that the cinema would be full so that she could buy the ticket earlier. I was totally awkward when she said that to me. I admit that I did feel upset with her but there's nothing can be done. Knowing that the cinema is full, she decided to try The Mines cinema if theres any show for us to watch and I just keep quite knowing that it will be full house there too.

As we're on the way to the rooftop to get to the car, The pain suddenly attacked me with till I couldn't move my right arm or even walk. I told mama that I couldn't drive that time but she still doesn't want to listen to me. So, I've just get into the car and drive and please note that I put my PHONE aside when I was driving.

We're on our way to get out of Jusco and suddenly the pain struck and I couldn't turn the wheel. Because of that, the right side of the car grazed the pillar and it leaves a minor scratch on the car. When that thing happened, Mama scolded me and I couldn't defend myself because whatever I said, she will never listen. She told me to stop the car at the side of the road and let her drive; As I get out of the car she yelled at me saying that I'm stupid and didn't respect her right infront of the public. She even said that thing happen because I was using the phone.

I felt like crying when I was at the backseat but I couldn't; I don't know why. I got nothing to think except the pain and what did mama told to me. We reached Mines and we couldn't get in too because it was too crowded; so, mama took us to the 'kedai makcik' to have dinner. Mama drive all the way to the shop, we ordered our food and eat. While we were eating daddy called my phone and talked to mama for a moment. And after her conversation with daddy; she told me that I will be following them to meet 'Paktih', daddy's friend who help my family a lot.

I have no idea why they wanted to take me to meet him. Is it because they're so fascinated with things which is so called 'Benda' till they think I'm having pain because of that thing?

I was too upset and I didn't said a word about taking me to meet Paktih because I know that I've got nothing inside me. Right after finishing our food, we went back home and wait for daddy to reach. After a few minutes of wait at home; daddy have finally arrived with Paktih and another Uncle which I've never seen before. Something happened to Paktih when he arrived at our house but I will keep that as a secret too. While Paktih was drinking, my parents had a little chat with him telling what happened at Jusco and Paktih said that there's nothing wrong with me but they still couldn't accept what Paktih said.

After a few minutes of chit chat at home; We've finally get out of the house to go to Aunty Ros's house in Keramat. Again in the car while we're on the way there, Mama just couldn't stop talking about what happened till I feel that I just want to jump out of the car. Thanks to Honey, she's there to make me forget about those thing and just keep on focusing on talking to her.

After 1 hour of travelling, we have finally arrive at Aunty Ros's house. Daddy take a look at the scratch on the car and Mama opened her mouth again accusing me that I'm the one that made the Proton's front light came off. God knows how pissed I am that time.

We've got into Aunty Ros's house and had a drink for a while and start their work. After doing this and that; It's my turn to check what the hell is wrong with me. The person who checked me is Puteri and I don't know how old is she. Before she start everything, She asked my name and I told her but it seems pretty long for and hard for her to say it. Here's how it goes.

Puteri: Nama apa?
Me: Muhammad Azril Joshua.
Puteri: Nama pangilan?
Me: Azril. Eh, panggil boy jer la.
Puteri: Boy(pronounce it in BUI)? Org tersayang panggil apa? Boy ke, josh ke, dear?
Me: AH?! hehe..Josh.
Puteri: Aha..baiklar, syg.

So there goes the conversation which make me shocked like god knows how. While she was checking me; It seem theres nothing wrong with me but just a normal pain. As I know the result, I couldn't stop telling mama that there's nothing wrong with me and she just kept quite. So, here is how the conversation goes at the end after Puteri checked me which I think brings a GOOD SIGN..hehehe..

Puteri: takder apa-apa boy. Jangan risau. Insyaallah.
Me: Aha..okayie. Thank you.
Puteri: Takder masalah, Sama-sama. Kirim salam kat orang tersayang yer? Insyaallah kamu berdua kekal. Kamu berdua kena saling dengar cakap.
Me: Ah?? hehe.. Okayie.

So there goes the end of my check up. Weird huh? hehehe.

After all that, I continued chatting to Honey on the phone. God knows how much I missed her. While we were chatting, she told me that she did a blog about a weird guy. I don't know who is it till I reached home at 5am, called her and talk to her while I'm online to see what she wrote. And at last, What I get to know the blog is about one fucktup guy who took a picture of himself with just his underwears on. God know how Pissed I am till I got no intention of doing anything; even sleeping. I couldn't stop myself telling her about how much I hate seeing that new blog because I always go to her blog to read all her old stuff. Then suddenly while I was talking to her something told me to stop pestering her to delete it. Maybe if I go on pestering her to delete it maybe it would lead it to another thing.

After that, we talked about the pass; about how I pester her in doing something for me. Then I suddenly realized that, I shouldn't have done that. Let her do whatever blog she wants. It doesnt matter if I hate it or not it is her right to write what she wants. So, I've apologized for what I've done and I will change.

I know that I hate what I've seen in her post but it seems that I can't do anything about it. So, let it be. She'd promised me that she will delete it after 2 days and she wants me not to go into her blog website. Well, It seems I followed what she said even though I know that reading her blog is one of my hobby when I got nothing to do.

And so we ended our conversation with me apologizing to her and tell her how much I love and missed her. I couldn't sleep; You'll know why if you understand what I wrote. After a few hours lying down in the dark, I've finally slept and I got a dream where Puteri came. She told me to take care of Honey, Be honest to each other, don't do anything that one of you hate. There's more that she said to me but I will not write here. I woke up right after the dream and it seems I only slept for 15minutes.