Blank yet Expressive...

After I posted the last blog I straight away put my head on my pillow and sleep, And I woke up around 7 I guess. Before I woke up, I started to feel something different and when I woke up, The feeling gets worse. I was totally helpless to myself, I just don't know what to do with myself anymore and just keep on suffering till now.

Today, nothing much happened. My aunt's and cousin's come to my place because, It seems that their house area's water supply been cut off from a moment and they don't even have water to cook at home. So, they decided to come to my place and hang out for a moment. I don't know if they are going back today because I'm just covering up myself from being spotted that I'm suffering. I totally hate when this thing happen to me but this is who I really am, A human being who has to fight and fight with himself. I'm not totally strong when it comes to this part.

I'm scared if I break down because of whats happening to me. I just hope I can do something about it but I can't, What should I do? I know there are some people who suffers more than I am right now, that is what keeping me going on because they are people who is facing the same situation than us but theirs is worse. I always say that to myself and other people that we're not the happiest person on earth because there is other people who much happier and we're not the saddest person on earth to just because someone out there is suffering worse.

I only get sick when I suffer, It doesn't matter what sense of suffering it is but I will get sick if the situation is really bad. I even get sick when I'm emo *laughs*. Right now I don't have any idea what to do, Honey's sleeping and none of my other friends are online right now. But I'm doing one thing, I'm listening to 30 seconds to mars again after a few months didn't listen to them. I've been discovering all kinds of bands right now and I totally lost focus on listening to my fav. bands sometimes.

My college's 2nd sem. is still a long way to go. We're starting around Feb 18 and its around a month to go. I totally miss em' but I'm worried about my results which is coming around this week or next, But it wont come out next month. I've done a lot of mistakes in the 1st sem because I thought that I'm ready for college life but actually I'm not fully ready when I got in. Thanks to honey she help me climb up again and put myself in pieces again. Now I'm totally ready to for it but one thing is bothering me, Am I gonna repeat my sem again? If I have to, I'm going to do it all over again and continue my journey to be one of the best like I always do in School.

Even the results are not out, I already know how it feels to be the last. I never felt being last before in my whole life, I'm always one of the best student in school and now I know how's it feel to be the last even when you try to strive for top 10. Its 1 total frustration to face.

Now, I have everyone by my side right now. I have Honey who's always there and support me all the time. As long they are around me, I know I can go on because I'm just not studying for my own future, I'm also studying for other peoples future too. I want all the people who are with me to be proud of who I am in the future. And I will be really happy if I manage to make everyone feel that.

Oh Honey, I just wish you're here right now. I totally miss you so much and I cant wait to see you again. Thanks for everything that you've done to me and I'm sorry for all the bad things I've done. Thanks for being with me till now, Its already 6 months 17days 16hours and 30 minutes (when I wrote this blog). I just cant wait till the day where we've been together for a year. I love you NUR AZHANI.

Thanks and sorry for those who read my blog. I really appreciate it. Do come here always.

..X..