randomness.

I have no idea what to write. So I'm just going to write what my fingers want to type.

It's been a week I've faced too many problems and of course it's my own mistakes that make it all happen. I've made my friend and her upset because I just say something which I thought was something good to tell them but it just ended up making them pissed and leave me like this right now. I don't blame them but I just blame myself. I love her, I love them a lot. But it seems what they are saying is true that I don't understand them at all and just make them feel bad.

1st, I'm going to start off with my friend who is in Pahang right now.
He called me that night to talk to me about his study. I told him that he should believe in himself that he can do it but it ended up making him mad at him and tell me that 'I don't understand him at all'.

2nd, My childhood friend in Wangsa Maju right now.
He too called me to talk about himself and asking me about my life. He seems to have a bad family problem. It seems that his parents are going to divorce soon and he's just too tensed up. His parents didn't talked to him like they used too. I told him to try and just talk to his parents but it also ended up telling me that 'I don't understand him at all.'

There's another few people who got upset with me but I'm just going to write about the people who are really close to me.

The 3rd person is her, Honey. I know that she had too many assignments to do and stuff. She gets sick easily sometimes right now. Few days ago I felt that I just don't feel that I had enough attention because for some certain reason. I don't know why I feel that when I understand what she was facing. I did a blog about it because I want to avoid myself from telling her what I feel but it seems that I can't stop myself from doing it. So, last wednesday I just could not keep those feelings and I just feel bad (feeling that I should not tell her what I feel) to her. I wish I could tell her that day that I feel bad but I just can't. I sent her back home that day and told her what I felt. I was stupid. I shouldn't have said those things. I was dumb. She told me that 'I don't even understand her' at all. Things change since then, I just can't do anything anymore and I hope it would turn out like it used to be one day. She found the secret blog, thanks to my stupidity. Right now, I'm facing a hard time without her around but what has been done, is done. Thanks to my stupidity and selfishness. I have deleted that blog.

The last person was my mama and daddy. I just cant go on typing anymore. Tears are coming out from my eyes right now.

Few hours ago me,Kitz and Ros went out to K.L to hang out. It was okay until the time when I'm on the way back home. I was listening to Awie's "nurnilam sari" and Starsailor's "Four to the floor" music. It brings back good memories when I was with Honey. While listening to it make me remember how much she hated listening to those song and I was just smiling all by myself in the train like an ass.

Well, that's for what happen.

And for the last one. I am sorry to those who got mad to me because of my 'Not understanding' attitude. I am really sorry and hope you guys forgive me and come back to me and be like always. I love you guys a lot. For real.

And for Her, I want you to know that I am sorry and I never meant to make you mad. I never meant to break your heart. I was just expressing what I feel but it seems you got upset and ended everything all up. I wish I could just ask you out again. But I'm just following your advice 'Just leave me when I said I want you to do it. Please respect my decision, You are a loving person but you need to respect what I want sometimes.'

God knows how bad I feel ever since that day. I wish you could come back but I don't know if that day will ever come. I am stupid, selfish and 'not understanding' sometimes or maybe, always. But I am trying to change. I love you. But I don't know if these words mean anything to you anymore. My feelings for you have grown even stronger when we got back together and even now it's growing. I'm sorry. I understand why I've been ignored or when I'm ignore. Please forgive me. I love you.

I miss our memories. I thank you for that. And I'm sorry for everything. I've regret a lot because of these. I do not just lose you, but others too. If you are reading this. I thank you, and I want you to know that I love you and miss you.